Hiei's Attempt at Revenge
by Alastair
Summary: Pissed off to learn of how the one he loves is being treated, Hiei goes on a mission to finally tell how he feels! But can Hiei tell the one he loves in time before he's swamped by rampant Mary Sues, and horny authoresses?
1. Flowers

(-)(-)(-) 

Hiei's (Attempt at) Revenge 

(-)(-)(-) 

Pissed off to learn of how the one he loves is being treated, Hiei goes on a mission to finally tell how he feels! But can Hiei tell the one he loves in time before he's swamped by rampant Mary Sues, horny authoresses, comrades that are out-of-character, and even more Mary Sues? Warning: General Stupidity of Sues, OOCs, authors, and this author. 

(-)(-)(-) 

Flowers 

(-)(-)(-) 

"... They want to do _what_ to-?" 

"Hi, Hiei!" Someone shouted into Hiei's ear, and he spazzed in pain for a moment before whirling on the shouter. 

It was Yuusuke. 

"What the fuck did you do that for?" 

"Mmmm, I don't know," he smiled, "but the look on your face was priceless." 

"I hate you." 

"Want to spar?" 

"No." 

"Oh ..." he said, and then he paused for even longer, taking the time to look around the sparse room of Minamino Shuuichi's backroom which held the computer and a few heavily filled bookshelves, and to pick at something in his ear. "_So_! What're you up to?" 

Hiei sighed, "Kurama said that I should read these stories on the internet." 

"Oh, yeah? What're they about?" 

The Jaganshi mumbled, "The degradation of everything we know about." 

"Cool." 

"You don't know what 'degradation' means, do you?" 

Yuusuke smiled, and gave him the thumbs up, "Not at all!" 

As Hiei sighed, the hanyou leaned over Hiei in the chair, and began reading a few lines before blanching, "Uh ... wha ...?" 

"It's called yaoi, and I think that Kurama's been reading too much of it." 

"_Kurama_? But this is about you - you and _me_!" 

"There are more of Kurama and I," Hiei quickly pressed the back button, and popped up the reviews of one of the stories shown. 

Still a bit perturbed, Yuusuke read a few of the reviews, "People actually like this stuff? ... Hey, why's it say: 'grumbles about evil PERSON THAT HIEI LOVES'? ... Wah! I didn't mean to say that! I meant to say PERSON THAT HIEI LOVES! ... Oh, shit! I did it again!" 

"Calm down. It's kind of like a bleep for the story ... a really _bad_ bleep, but it's not for swearing as we can still say: damn, fuck, and shit - or anything else that I can't really remember right now." 

"Then what's it for?" 

"Isn't it obvious? Someone up there doesn't want others to know who I'm in love with." 

He grinned, and poked at Hiei's shoulder who glared at him, "Oooh, who does Hiei love anyway?" 

Hiei opened his mouth, "PERSON THAT I LOVE." 

"... Okay, that's creepy." 

"I know. And what's worse is that it only works when I'm referring to THIS PERSON in a loving way or in case I could possibly reveal them to the readers - like I might have done just then since I was using a pronoun which might have alluded to PERSON THAT I LOVE's gender." 

"Oh ... Want to spar?" 

"No! Are you even reading what they're saying about PERSON THAT I LOVE?" 

The hanyou shrugged, "What the hell are you going to do about it? It's not like flaming back will do you any good." 

"So you're saying I should maul them?" 

"Yes - _No_! No, no, no. Bad Hiei." Yuusuke shook his head hard. "You got to ..." A light seemed to go on in his head, "You have to (oh, fuck! Who said that? Someone just talked over me!" 

"No, they didn't." 

"... Really?" 

"It's called an author's note. People usually ignore them because they state the obvious, or make fun of the author behind their back because the author thinks that they made a joke." 

"Really? ... Was it funny?" 

"It was a stupid obvious-slash-funny author's note. You're better off not knowing." 

Yuusuke awed, "A guy has to be really careful in this internet place, huh? Readers are stupidly loving drivel, and those author-guys are stalking us or something!" 

"Actually, those are the Mary Sues," Hiei said. 

"The-?" 

"You _really_ don't need to know, and nor should you ever want to." 

"Got it ... Want to spar?" 

"No! I don't want to do anything with you! PERSON THAT I LOVE needs me to do something about this! PERSON THAT I LOVE is practically _begging_ me to stop all of this cruelty towards THIS PERSON! I need to find PERSON THAT I LOVE and tell THIS PERSON just how I feel!" 

It took Hiei a moment to notice that half of Yuusuke's face looked slack and numb. He was staring at the screen of the computer behind Hiei, "Wow ... those readers really like those stories ... maybe ..." 

His red eyes widened in horror, "No! Look away!" 

"But ..." his voice slurred, "the readers like 'em ... wanna read some more of that other story." Yuusuke smiled, and it was creepy with how only one corner of his lips could seem to lift up, "Let's read that story of you an' me together, Hiei ..." 

"Over my dead body!" 

"We could do that too ..." 

"..." Hiei shook his head hard, and shuddered, _I need to get out of here. It must be by a miracle alone that I haven't been affected. Yuusuke wasn't that smart to begin with, but this is just sad! Maybe there's some kind of clinic that he can go to so he can get over this._

Leaping away from Yuusuke's suddenly outstretched arms, Hiei ran in a fit of terror from the hanyou. The whole situation was disturbing him immensely. As he ran down the hall, he ran into Shiori, and relaxed slightly - _She would never read any of those awful stories. I should be just fine with her for now,_ so he thought until she turned around, a knife clutched in her hand. 

"Oh, Hiei-san," she smiled, her head tilting to the side at an odd angle, "have you seen Suichi?" 

"Su-?" His eyes bulged out, "No! Not you too! It's _Shuuichi_! You're saying your own son's name wrong!" 

She only smiled wider, "No, no, it's Suichi now ... where is he?" 

Eyes narrowing, he began going slowly down the hallway, trying to go around her, "Ah ... his room maybe? I don't know I haven't seen him much today." 

Abruptly, she screeched, "My worst fears! You were with him all day, weren't you? My poor boy seduced by another!" 

Hiei ran again. 

He really didn't want to hurt Shiori and then run into an angst ridden Kurama from one of those horrendous stories. Who knew. Maybe some were true after all ... _Gah! No! I can beat this! Those people don't resemble the people I know whatsoever. I'm not going to turn into some zombie uttering garbage to another zombie!_

(-)(-)(-)

Once in the street -a street far from the Minamino residence (Why is it always called the Minamino residence?) - Hiei ignored the author, and walked down the sidewalk, thinking over his plans. PERSON THAT HIEI LOVED needed to know just how much he cared about THAT PERSON, and he needed to make a lasting impression on both the readers and THAT PERSON. 

A half-assed job wasn't going to cut it. Unfortunately for the Jaganshi, he hadn't trying any wooing for quite some time. There was the possibilty that he was very rusty, and out of practice. 

He needed to make sure THAT PERSON knew just how important THAT PERSON was in his life, and that he'd do near to anything for THAT PERSON. Even kill a certain author for stupid blocky words. 

Hiei saw a shop out of the corner of his eye, and read the sign above it, 'Alexia's Florist Shop.' "Hmmm ... or maybe ..." 

A certain author was saved from a gory fate as he stepped inside of the store. 

Everyone seemed to like being given dead flowers which wilted and died within a few weeks, so maybe it would do him good to find a bouquet for PERSON THAT HIEI LOVED. 

A flower caught his eye, but he blanched upon recognizing the rose - _How cliche._ - and looked around some more kind of flowers. Only to come to a horrid conclusion. 

The whole store was filled with roses. 

Trepidation stirred in his gut as he turned to the person at the cash register, "Uh ... hello?" 

The brown and doe-eyed girl, with curves all in the right places - even though over half of her body was hidden behind the counter - smiled dreamily, yet there was a deep sadness in her eyes, "May I help you?" 

"Uh ... no. Never. I mean, never mind." Hiei backpedaled out of the story, making sure not to show her his back. When he escaped the store, only then did he turn away, heading for the park, _Maybe I'll pick some flowers on my own ..._

(-)(-)(-)

I'm back! Back into the rhealm of new YYH fics anyway. All that I've been spurting out lately is DBZ. I've been like ... reverting back - de-evolving ... who knows. But I'm back - kind of. 

I hope that this isn't _too_ stupid to be called humor. I'm kind of trying to get a point across. Not just the point of how stupid this fandom's readers and authors have gotten ... ;;; please, readers, don't leave me. Some of you are good - really! 

Anyway. Be warned that there _will_ be more Mary Sues - ones that _aren't_ too busy being deeply sad or whatnot. Also, I'm sorry if any of the Sues that I make up are ... well, any of yours, but that's not on purpose. In fact, if you recognize any of these Mary Sues as having characteristic's of your OCs, rewrite your story - or at least rewrite your OC. 

Ja mata! 

(-)(-)(-)


	2. Guns

(-)(-)(-) 

Hiei's (Attempt at) Revenge 

(-)(-)(-) 

Pissed off to learn of how the one he loves is being treated, Hiei goes on a mission to finally tell how he feels! But can Hiei tell the one he loves in time before he's swamped by rampant Mary Sues, horny authoresses, comrades that are out-of-character, and even more Mary Sues? Warning: General Stupidity of Sues, OOCs, authors, and this author. 

(-)(-)(-) 

Guns 

(-)(-)(-) 

Hiei took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of the flowers clutched in his hands, ecstatic that he had found some flowers that might do for his purpose - also pretty happy that no one had spotted him in a field picking flowers. He would have _never_ been able to live that one down. In fact, all was rather spiffy there in the park, and no strange occurances had yet to happen, so Hiei sat down to lean back against a tree. He settled the flowers in his lap, and was about to close his eyes. 

Yet a spot of black above him made him sharply alert, and Hiei quickly got to his feet, accidentally smashing some of the flowers which had fallen off of his lap. 

"Shit ..." he glared up the tree, "Hey! Who's up there?" 

"Go away!" Shouted a sweet, enchanting voice, and Hiei took pause, his eyes widening in alarm as the voice began to sob, "I don't need your help! I don't need _you_! I-!" 

"Good," and Hiei began to walk away, planning to find that convenient field of flowers. 

"Wait! No!" A small figure jumped down which was swarthed completely in black, "You're a youkai, aren't you? I can feel it!" Her silver eyes got big, taking up half of her face, obviously trying to swallow him up in some way. 

_Fuck, I feel disgusting just **looking** at her!_ "And what of it, you pathetic bitch?" (Look! One of the swear words he forgot about!) 

The girl blinked in slight shock, glanced around their immediate vicinity before shrugging, and then smiled at Hiei again, "Maybe ... maybe you really _can_ help me!" 

"Not likely. Bugger off." 

"... You _have_ to help me!" She shrieked, "I'm a princess of the Lost Tribe of the Dark, Naughty, Powerful, Super-Neat, Dark Dragon Princesses! Obey me!" 

Hiei's eyes widened in alarm at her outburst, "Wha-?" 

"Only a Jaganshi that was born of a Koorime with Hi Youkai blood in him can save me. Tell me please, are you such a youkai?" 

"No, I'm a platypus now," Hiei said. 

"But you look like-" 

"A platypus. Go away. " 

"But platypuses are poisonous. Are you-?" 

"Yes, and it's very painful. Shoo." 

Suddenly, the girl began to smile, and she hugged herself shyly, "Oh, I see. You're playing hard-to-get, but I can wait." 

Hiei's face became blank momentarily before he shook his head, "Uh ... no, I'm still a platypus." 

Deadpan, she asked, "A _talking_ platypus?" 

"... We platypuses work in strange ways." 

"A platypus in Japan?" 

"... Look!" Hiei pointed behind her, "A distraction!" 

She looked, "Where?" 

With her back turned, the Jaganshi (... Platypus?) ran away. That had almost been too close for comfort. 

... And he had to go look for more flowers! 

(-)(-)(-)

He circled the block a few more times just to make sure, however, the field of flowers wasn't there anymore. 

Apprehensive, Hiei chewed the nail on his pinky finger, debating with himself on whether he should stick around to see if it would show up again, or go look for another random field. Maybe the humans had torn it all down, and built up this strange building in its place while he had been gone ... in fifteen minutes. 

He didn't like the look of the place. It reeked of suspicion, and Hiei just kind of didn't want to be around it. Whoever heard of a building being built in such short time anyway? However, who would build a building so that it would look so rundown and old? 

Maybe if he walked away, and came back, it would revert back into the field of flowers ... as odd as that sounded. Yet, Hiei didn't want to stay around the building, so he turned away. 

PERSON THAT HIEI LOVED needed him to do something about those terrible readers and authors after all. THAT PERSON didn't deserve all of the things that they said about THAT PERSON, and he was going to make THAT PERSON the luckiest RACE/SPECIES ever! Hiei tried to think of some way - other than flowers - that might help him woo THAT PERSON. 

"Hm ..." Hiei looked up, and spotted another conveniently placed facility. 

Still not as experienced as he might have thought he was, Hiei entered the jeweler's shop. 

He looked through all of the merchandise, finding quite a few acceptable pieces that PERSON THAT HIEI LOVED might enjoy. A blue gem set in a lovely band of gold caught his attention, and he looked around for a store clerk. Seemingly knowing that Hiei wanted her help, the young woman went over. 

Her deepset - almost black - blue eyes gazed at him thoughtfully as if sizing him up, and she smiled, brushing red hair behind her ear, "May I help you?" 

"Ah ..." He shook out of it. _Not all pretty women can be one of those damned Mary Sues ... right?_ "I want to see that ring." He gestured to the little ring with the blue stone, and she unlocked the case, pulling it out. 

"A nice choice. Who is this for?" 

Hiei opened his mouth, about to say THAT PERSON's name, thought better of it, and just said, "Someone who is very special to me." 

"Oh, and does this special person like this particular stone?" 

"I ... wouldn't really know actually. Maybe you could help pick out a ring," he shrugged, looking around the store as he confessed that he needed help. It was all for PERSON THAT HIEI LOVED. 

"Okay, what do they look like?" 

"COLOR hair, and ANOTHER ADJECTIVE, COLOR eyes ..." 

She paled, "Uh ..." 

He sighed, "It's a curse." (snorts, feeling offended) 

The woman frowned in confusion, and looked around, "Did you hear something?" 

"No." 

"Okay ..." she smirked. "A curse, huh? Maybe we can find something in here that will help with that." 

"I doubt that ..." Suddenly feeling a bit uneasy being that close to her. 

However, another glittering stone begged him to look at it. It was made of two gold bands, both of which spun around the other, and there were round diamonds set into the bands all throughout. 

"Ah," she smiled, "you're thinking about getting your special someone an engagement ring?" 

_An engagement ring! Of course! I'll marry PERSON THAT I LOVE! Then those readers can't complain! And if they do, it won't matter. I'll be **married**, and they'll just be a bunch of moronic, little hellions bent on trying to ruin how people - namely me - live their lives!_ "Give me _that_ ring!" 

Again, her smile seemed to light up the room, and Hiei eyed her nervously as she pulled it out to show him, "It's esquisite. Definitely intended to say that your love is eternal, and that you want to forever be entwined with your" - she giggled - "special someone ... it is a woman, correct?" 

"A YES OR NO ANSWER ..." Hiei looked up, "Okay, that was just cold." 

(I like applesauce, Hiei.) 

"Okay, I _know_ that I heard something that time," the woman frowned, casting annoyed glances around the room. 

"You're disillusioned. Shut up." Thus stated Hiei slipped the ring into his pocket - and the other which she had deigned to _not_ put back into its case. Things were getting to be too strange for Hiei there in the jeweler's shop. 

"Hey, what're you-?" 

He took off his bandana, and his Jagan glowed as he attempted to wipe her mind, "I was never here." 

"What're you talking about? You're hear right now!" 

"You meant to say 'here' ...?" He backed away in shock, "Shit! And I thought that you _weren't_ a Mary Sue! How can someone say a misspelled word, and _not_ be one?" 

She seethed, jumping onto the counter, and pointed at him, "How dare you call me a Mary Sue! I've been trhough too much shit to listen to something like that!" 

"... You mean the truth? ... And you did it again. It's 'through,' not ... whatever that was." 

"Enough!" She raged, "I've lost everything in my life but this job! I'm not going to lose those rings two!" 

"It's 'too!' It's not 'two,' you dilapidated moron!" 

She took a pause, "... What does that mean?" 

"It'll mean your face in two seconds," Hiei advanced on her, tore off her face, and - while she was preoccupied wailing in pain- he found a nice little permanent marker under the counter to write on the face in his hands. 

'_Hiei was here_,' he wrote proudly - 'Hiei' on the forehead, 'was' on a cheek, and 'here' on the other cheek. 

Also, under the counter, he found a lovely shotgun - likely used against robbers like himself - and dealt a few bullets into her head. Calling it justice, and since Koenma probably wouldn't punish him for killing her - she was probably a random youkai Mary Sue anyway - Hiei went to work on shoving a few more pieces of jewelry into his pockets, and then set the place on fire on his way out. 

As much as he had enjoyed the pointless maiming of the Mary Sue, he supposed that he probably shouldn't have used the gun. That had attracted attention before the fire had. Luckily for him, Hiei was still one of the fastest youkai of the Makai, and thus wasn't spotted. 

_I'm winning this time! Those stupid readers, Sues, and **authors**_ - he glanced up idly as he ran, hoping to catch any sign of a certain authoress - _will never stop me in my mission! I love you, PERSON THAT I LOVE! ... Damn it!_

(-)(-)(-)

_From FanFiction: _

Jasmemini: shifty eyes Was the mauling non-sappy enough for you? And thank you. 

RoninsOath: Actually, it's more like Hiei finding out about all of the shit that people put them through and how their characters are basically turned inside out. 

KoorimeFireFox: - You're not meant to know. And well about the whole reading of fan fics changing them ... That shall be revealed in the next couple of chapters. 

whowhenwhatever: I just think he's pissed off. And ... well ... um ... reads that sentence a few more times ... Kind of a mixture of the two. More shall be explained in a later chapter. 

Kohaku Hoshi: I like cheese, Ko-chan. 

Next time, Hiei runs into some OOC characters. 

(-)(-)(-)


	3. Brooms

(-)(-)(-) 

Hiei's (Attempt at) Revenge 

(-)(-)(-) 

Pissed off to learn of how the one he loves is being treated, Hiei goes on a mission to finally tell how he feels! But can Hiei tell the one he loves in time before he's swamped by rampant Mary Sues, horny authoresses, comrades that are out-of-character, and even more Mary Sues? Warning: General Stupidity of Sues, OOCs, authors, and this author. 

(-)(-)(-) 

Brooms 

(-)(-)(-) 

Hiei hummed 'Death to the Usurper' happily to himself - he had just made it up, (Don't ask for any lyrics.) and thought about shooting a certain authoress with his spiffy new shotgun. But lo and behold, the stupid author was saved by a randomly placed person in Hiei's way, namely Kurama. 

He grinned down at him like he was hiding a secret - he even did a little wave - and said, "Konneechewa!" 

"... You're chewing on what?" Hiei's eyes then narrowed, and he backed away a few feet, "Wait a minute ... You're using bad Japanese!" He pointed in horror at him, "We're supposed to be speaking in English in this fic except for words like 'hanyou' and 'youkai!'" 

"... Yokai?" 

"Grah!" Hiei was about to go around the idiot. 

"Ne, Hi-chan, don't go!" 

"'_Hi-chan_?'" He cried out, and pulled out his gun, aiming for the head. "... Shit! I don't remember if out-of-character people are just clones or not!" 

Kurama gasped, backing away, "Hi - Hiei-chan, what are you doing? Don't ... Don't you care about me anymore?" 

"... Actually, I don't care if you're a clone or not. If you really are Kurama, you'll thank me for this later," he aimed at the out-of-character Kurama's leg, pulled the trigger, and then remembered that he had used up all of his bullets on that Sue and a few pigeons for lunch. 

He threw the gun in Kurama's face, and ran in the other direction. 

Only to find himself face-to-face with ... a small horde (How can hordes be small?) of women. The majority of them were holding picket signs: 

_I I LOVE HI-CHAN _

I Love Youko! 

I Forever HxK! 

Hiei felt sick, and was about to back away, but he bumped into another body. Looking up, he saw Kurama looking down. 

"Hiei-koi ... I ... I l-!" 

He thrust his fist into Kurama's chin, and leapt over his body when he fell over, tearing holes through the pavement in his effort to escape. 

"What the hell is going on today?" The poor Jaganshi raged as - somehow - the women with their picket signs were able to chase after him, capable of carrying Kurama _and_ keep up with the Hi Youkai. _It started out as a normal day! But ... but then, Kurama told me to go read those stories ... The stories! **They're** to blame! They must be! I don't know how or why, but they're to blame for this whole mess!_

Turning a corner, he searched his mind for a way to beat them all. However, it seemed that they had a whole army at their disposal. Hiei tried to remember just how these Sues, reader, and authors worked. 

Readers and authors seemed to congregate in large groups - like the group behind him - and they roughly enjoyed the same aspects of whatever they were reading. Thus, they usually made friends amongst themselves, and defended one another in a crisis, such as those flames. 

Hiei suddenly smirked at the thought of flames - criticism and otherwise. Unfortunately, most of those girls behind him looked and smelled like humans, so he probably wouldn't receive a warm welcome the next time he saw Koenma. It appeared as if they just needed a very powerful wake-up call anyway. 

Back in action, Hiei jumped up to the side of a building, landing precariously on a windowledge. Taking out his katana, he sliced through some lines holding aloft drying clothes, and summoned his youki, transforming all falling debris into white-hot flaming balls. (Heh, flaming ...) Pleased with their screams, he traveled further down the road by windowsills before dropping to the empty road to walk. 

He looked up, and proclaimed victoriously, "I'm winning, you stupid author! You hear me?" 

(Why are you looking _up_?) 

"What do you mean?" Hiei asked, but the author either didn't answer or ignored him. With a grimace, he continued walking. 

Hiei saw the next batch of authors and readers before they reached him, and he quickly changed direction before they could recognize him. 

This happened so many times throughout his trip, Hiei just decided to use his speed to avoid the most of them. Otherwise, he found new ways to use stoplights on the youkai and hanyou half of them. And that was almost as good as evading them. 

(-)(-)(-)

"Why are you here again?" Genkai pressed the B button, and killed another zombie on the TV screen. 

Incapable of playing video games - Genkai had told him off for slicing her TV in half - Hiei was sitting to the side, watching, "Escaping horrid drones." 

"Been there, done that," she won the game, and then shut the console off. "So, have you seen Yukina today?" 

"No ... why?" 

"She went out to sweep the steps in the garden, but never came back in," picking up her teacup, Genkai sipped from it. "I skipped lunch because of her." 

"Wait, you knew of her being gone, but you never went to check on her? Why aren't you watching her properly?" He almost rose, but the old woman held up her hand in a halting gesture. 

"Calm down, she's a big girl." 

"You - ! ... You know what she is to me, hag," he said, "so why aren't you keeping an eye on her?" 

"Like I said, she's a big girl. Yukina doesn't need you to wait on her hand and foot." 

Hiei smirked, "No ... no, she doesn't. That's _your_ purpose." 

She sighed, "If you're really that worried about her, then go see what's going on out there." 

Muttering to himself about the incompetence of crazy, old women, Hiei went out to the garden, took a glance around, and then sighed in relief. Yukina was still calmly sweeping the steps, head bent down. He watched her for a while, content to know that she was perfectly fine, and safe. 

However, other than Yukina's arms, she didn't move. She didn't shift from one step to the next, but stayed on one step, chronically sweeping with her broom which was barely holding on to its last few straws. 

Anxious beyond belief, he said, "Yukina ...?" 

She looked up, smiled, and said, "Hello, Hiei-san. Genkai-shihan's inside." She went back to sweeping ... _in the exact same spot_! 

"Ah, no! No! I came here to see you, Yukina." 

His sister looked confused momentarily, glancing up at him, "But ... I'm sweeping." 

"Yes," he said, slowly approaching her, "yes, you are, but don't you think it'd be nice to come inside? ... I came to see _you_ after all. Not just to escape from a bunch of moronic drones." 

Lost, Yukina looked down at her hands which were wrapped firmly around the staff of the broom, "But ..." 

"Inside," he gently insisted, and he led her away from the steps, but he was unable to detach her hands from the broom. 

Upon stepping inside, Yukina's eyes brightened, and she smiled, "I think I'll go sweep the steps." 

"No!" Hiei grabbed her shoulders, and pushed her toward the living room where Genkai was, "Let's stay inside, Yukina. Make me some of those ... uh ... octopus dogs! Those little octopus things you make out of hotdogs." 

"Oh! Okay, Hiei-san." 

"Good," he relaxed visibly. "Now, give me that broom." 

"... But I can't sweep without it." 

Abruptly, Hiei knew that Yukina had somehow been affected too - _But there's no internet up here! ... Or a computer for **that** matter!_ Whenever she was spotted in those stories, she was sweeping out on the steps. 

"You're making me octopus dogs, Yukina." 

"Oh, yes, of course," confusion flashed over her eyes, and Hiei understood that she was trying to fight her way back into her usual old self, but she would need some time to do so. 

"Hiei," Genkai called from the living room, and after a short pause, Hiei went to her. "Look at the TV." 

He did so, and there was a reporter talking, "-seems to be no end to the strange beings that keep being tranfered to our schools. Several of our students have already been attacked by these new tranfer students. On a completely bizzare note, all of the new students appear to be called Mary-" 

The pink-haired woman turned the TV off, and then stared at Hiei, "You were reading those stories online, weren't you?" 

"How'd you-?" 

"I have wards in my temple, Hiei. Very powerful. Very resilient. I haven't been affected as badly, but since Yukina stepped outside ..." 

Hiei grabbed fistfuls of the front of Genkai's shirt, "Tell me! Tell me what's going on! How can I change her back to how she used to be?" 

She brushed away his hands, "You read those stories - those _fan fics_, and, I think, because of your Jagan, the stories were unable to influence you. You saw through all of the piss-poor stories, and beliefs. The stories must have gotten frustrated or something, but now they're all sending out their minions to distort _our_ world. Surely, you must have noticed them." 

"The readers-slash-fangirls, and quite a few Mary Sues ... and ... the others are acting strangely. Are those clones?" 

"Unfortunately not. Theirs minds must have been addled by whatever waves the stories are giving off. Your Jagan is warding you like my wards are doing for me. If I were to step outside, I'm sure that I would be affected too." 

"What can I do? I ..." he sounded desperate then, "I just can't leave Yukina like this." 

Genkai scrutinized him, "... You left those fics with a purpose, didn't you? That must be really why they're acting up." 

"Yes! I did! PERSON THAT I LOVE is being flamed as we speak! I can't let those damned readers and reviewers do that to THIS PERSON!" 

"... What?" 

Hiei groaned, and covered his eyes, "I've been bleeped." 

(-)(-)(-)

FanFiction is pissing me off by not letting me on, so those reader-dudes over there will have to wait until FanFiction let's me sign on! Blah ... 

Next time! Hiei chases some Sues to their stronghold! But wait ... Hiei seems to have forgotten about something ... or _someone_? 

(-)(-)(-)


	4. Memories

(-)(-)(-) 

Hiei's (Attempt at) Revenge 

(-)(-)(-) 

Pissed off to learn of how the one he loves is being treated, Hiei goes on a mission to finally tell how he feels! But can Hiei tell the one he loves in time before he's swamped by rampant Mary Sues, horny authoresses, comrades that are out-of-character, and even more Mary Sues? Warning: General Stupidity of Sues, OOCs, authors, and this author. 

(-)(-)(-) 

Memories 

(-)(-)(-) 

Hiei watched Yukina sweep the same step over and over again for the last time before he finally left Genkai's home. He hated the thought of leaving her, but Genkai had told him that it would be best if Hiei could complete the mission that he had set himself on. Maybe - just maybe - everything would revert back to normal. 

Upon reaching the bottom of the mountain where Genkai's home was, Hiei wasn't three minutes away before, yet again, meeting someone. 

She radiated tremendous power - and willpower obviously - causing shivers to go down his spine. Beautiful, but deadly looking, she possessed a natural cat-like grace about herself, with dark, jungle green eyes and long, wavy black hair that reached down to her thighs. She was wearing all sorts of jewelry which either hung from her ears or around her neck, glittering in the sun like her eyes. Her red jumpsuit left nothing to the imagination with her gorgeously toned body. Not too soft, but neither was she so burly. 

He suddenly had an urge to kill. 

However, he decided to give her the benefit of the doubt, and wait a little while once more, something repeating in his head: _Not all beautiful women can be Mary Sues ... and if she is one, I can just maul the stupid twit._

The pretty girl perked up when she saw him, and asked, "Hi!" - _So far so good. No bad Japanese._ - "I'm MARY SUE, and I'm looking for Genkai's ... Wah! No, I'm not! My name is MARY SUE! ..." The girl whimpered. 

"..." Hiei pumped his fists cheerfully, "Success! No more guessing if it's a Sue or not! Praise the bleeps!" 

(Thought you'd like that.) 

Hiei shouted at the sky, "And don't you dare take it away!" Directing his attention at the now identified Mary Sue, Hiei smirked devilishly, "So you're looking for Genkai, yes? Let me guess ... you've got some super, secret, powerful energy at your disposal that you just don't know how to control, boo hoo, some sob story attached to it, right?" 

Her face went blank, "Uh ... yeah, I guess so ..." 

"Okay then. Bugger off. Genkai doesn't need any more halfwit to bother her other than Yuusuke." 

The Mary Sue smiled, "You know Yusuke? Do you know Kurama and their stupid friend too?" 

He opened his mouth to talk, but paused momentarily before doing so, "'Yusuke?' ... It's _Yuusuke_, you moronic twit, and ... Hey! Only _I_ get to insult Kuwabara! You just fuck off, you insipid dolt! Nobody insults that carrot-top other than me. You hear me? _Me_!" 

"Whatever! I'm just looking for Genkai-shihan, and you're in my way. You obviously know where she lives, so why don't you just tell me before I torture you for the answer?" 

Laughing, Hiei said, "You? Torture me? You don't know who you're talking to. I kill your kind!" 

"Not me!" She dashed forward, and, unsheathing her katana, she brought the blade down on his head. Or at least the head of his afterimage. Hiei smirked down at her from the branch of a tree. 

"I kill Mary Sues ... and I think that I do it pretty well. You'll just be one more." 

She looked perplexed as to how he had gotten up there, and her eyes were suddenly filled with wonder and awe, "Wow, you're fast ..." 

"... Duh." 

"So fast ... that now you're in my heart! What's you name?" 

Hiei mentally fixed 'you,' and replaced it with 'your,' not bothering to correct them anymore. They were too stupid to do it themselves anyway. Then Hiei absorbed what she had said just said, "We just met! How can you even _think_ that you could be in love with me?" 

She gasped, "Oh, you must be in so much pain and suffering! Unable to love, or even know about how love works ..." 

"I know about love! I'm in love right now! And you're-!" 

The moron interrupted him, "Me?" - _Shit, not that again ... It's too bad that I don't have any more bullets for that gun._ - "Oh ... oh, I love you too!" 

Which made him gag, "You can't ... be serious! I don't love _you_! I love someone that's a thousand million times better than any fucking Sue could ever possibly be! You're mincemeat compared to PERSON THAT I LOVE! And none of you could ever replace THAT PERSON!" 

"... I bet that whoever it is ... they're a slut. They're just deceiving you, I bet! You don't really love them; you love me!" 

Hiei felt his eye twitch first, then his hand ... He smirked, and jumped down to the ground, walking slowly toward the Sue, "Do you really think so? That my lover is a terrible person?" 

She smiled sweetly, "Of course. Someone that would try to chain you down has to be someone that's a total bitch." 

His upper lip curled up when he snarled, "'Chain' me, huh?" When she nodded, Hiei grabbed a chunk of her extremely long hair, and wrapped it around her neck, starting to choke her with it, "Let me tell you something about chains. The only chain between myself and my lover is the one that binds us both so intimately that you could never" - he tightened the hair around her neck for emphasis, and she tried to grasp for breath - "_never_ find a crack within it. Sometimes chains are a bad thing, yes - they constrain people. But the chain that binds my love and I" - he smiled as he watched her lips turn blue - "is the most wonderful thing that I have ever encountered. You think that my lover is a bitch? Stupid cunt, my love is my savior." 

Waiting patiently for her to die, he absently watched her mouth gape open and then close, looking like some caught fish which was searching for that life-giving air until finally she was a pale blue color. Her hair had also been cutting through her neck, and a thin line of blood slid down to rest in her generous cleavage. The Mary Sue's leg twitched once, and then twice before all movement stopped completely but for one last exhale. 

"Ha!" Hiei jerked in surprise, and turned around to see a familiar Mary Sue. The one that he _hadn't_ killed! "I knew it! It's like a dream for me. I, the princess of the Lost Tribe of the Dark, Naughty, Powerful, Super-Neat, Dark Dragon Princesses, am in love! And the handsome Hi Youkai born with the mixed blood of a Koorime is you! We will save each other from our dark pasts, and - Hey! I'm not done yet!" 

Hiei had begun to walk away, "You irritate me, fuck off." 

She whined, "You're supposed to fall in love with me!" 

"No," he said, "I think that I'm supposed to do whatever the fuck I want. You annoy me, thus I'll either kill you or ignore you ... in fact, why am I _not_ trying to do the former?" Turning around, he grinned, and walked back, cracking his knuckles, "I like killing your kind. I get such a thrill doing it." 

Her laughter tinkled like a little bell, and she spun around, running away, "Catch me if you can!" 

(-)(-)(-)

She was fast - he had to admit that. Hiei had chased her long and hard, and on through the Ningenkai to the Makai. The Mary Sue would not let up, or give Hiei any inches to gain on her. However, he was also angry, the kill of the other Mary Sue still pounding through his veins and giving wings to his feet. 

Deep in the Makai was where the chase ended, and it was _Hiei_ who was the first to stop running. Yet this was not due to him being fatigued, but when he had seen the immense tower that was standing where no tower was standing before, Hiei had stopped right in his tracks. The rather odd Mary Sue kept running for the tower, and - after a moment - Hiei chased after her again, dread growing in his mind. 

How did tower appear out of nowhere? It had never been there before ... _Right?_ His mind slurred momentarily, and he stopped running again, holding his head as it throbbed. _That tower ... it's never been there. It just showed up ... How do I know that? ... It's not like I ... No! No! I live here! I live in the Makai! ... But where?_ He looked up. _I live here in the Makai ... with ..._ His head began to hurt more, _How did I get here? Why am I here? ... I ... I chased down that Sue. I killed that other one ... but why? Why did I kill her?_

"She angered me," he said aloud. "She pissed me off somehow, but ..." Eyes widening in horror, Hiei pulled at his hair, "Why can't I remember anything?" 

Abruptly, he glared up at the tower, _That ... It's that tower's fault! I know it!_ He realized that the Mary Sue that he had been chasing went inside of it, and he gritted his teeth and fangs, "I'll just burn the fucking thing down." 

(-)(-)(-)

_From FanFiction: _

stuck-in-a-tree: You have to wait just like everybody else for **that** answer! ... Thanks for the review. XP 

Jasmemini: Exact-a-mundo! Thanks for the reviews! 

whowhenwhatever: You again! o.o; With another long-winded review. Dear, dear ... -reads over again and again- Hrm ... - I do believe that you're just a bit, little, tad way off. Hiei is kind of thinking the way you are though. 

Wow ... this is kind of fast becoming non-humorish ... Maybe I should change Romance to Angst instead ... Nah. It's still a Romance at heart. 

Next time, Hiei storms this Sue stronghold! ... That moron. 

(-)(-)(-)


	5. Dragons

(-)(-)(-) 

Hiei's (Attempt at) Revenge 

(-)(-)(-) 

Pissed off to learn of how the one he loves is being treated, Hiei goes on a mission to finally tell how he feels! But can Hiei tell the one he loves in time before he's swamped by rampant Mary Sues, horny authoresses, comrades that are out-of-character, and even more Mary Sues? Warning: General Stupidity of Sues, OOCs, authors, and this author. 

(-)(-)(-) 

Dragons 

(-)(-)(-) 

A/N: Ah ... this is as much for Crimson Dreamer as it is for everyone else actually. I hope some of you stop to read it too. In fact ... 

_**READ THIS**_

_Crimson Dreamer: I'm not just talking about the annoying traits of the majority of Mary Sues, but the total degradation of character that people put our favorite characters through. People love them for who they are, or connect with them because of what they've been through. They shouldn't be massacred, and then replaced with look-a-likes any longer. You can't be in love with someone because of the way they look. Some of the most hideous characters in this show are actually more beautiful than anyone gives them credit for. People are actually **trying** to write something wonderful in other fandoms while here, YYH is being tortured. Hiei **won't** ever be sappy for your beloved Sue - in fact, he's never turned sappy - unless it was for Yukina, and then in other times in the manga and sometime much later in the anime - if Funi ever gets off their asses to show it. People need to start thinking of the characters instead of thinking of how they want their story to turn out. Stories are made up of characters - not your plot. No matter how great the plot, it'll never amount to anything if the characters aren't given the respect and trust to just be themselves. If you must have them fall in love - fine - but keep our characters safe from being killed and replaced by clones. I want to read a story about **them**, not how Olga saved the known universe._

(-)(-)(-)

Looking up, Hiei tried to think up a good way to just burn the entire thing down. Unfortunately for him, there weren't any trees nearby to just pile up beside the tower, and then burn. Nothing connected to the tower was burnable either. It was definitely a shame since all of those stones which the tower was made of would make for a great oven. He played with the thought that if it got hot enough that the Mary Sues' skin would just melt right off after their hair and clothes burst into flames. 

He was already tasting burnt flesh on both his tongue and in his nose when the front door opened. 

That cheeky Mary Sue from before grinned at him, "Oh, it's you. Come on in." 

"... No." 

"Why not, my dear beloved Jaganshi?" 

"Platypus," he said, and she grimaced. Just seeing her brought a huge fang-filled smirk to his face as he took off his bandana, "You Sues don't like ugly men, right?" 

"Of course not!" She scoffed."Why anyone want one of those? They're so nasty" 

He nodded in understanding as his Jagan opened up, "Exactly. I do see your point ... but forgive me if I'm wrong. You seem to be ugly yourself." 

"Why you ...!" furious, the girl grabbed a chain that had popped out of nowhere which was hanging from the ceiling, and yanked on it. 

A boot swung down in an arch from the top of the door where Hiei was standing, and booted him in, catching him totally by surprise. Upon stumbling inside due to the force of the boot, Hiei was attacked. For hidden behind several doorways were hundreds of Mary Sues who leapt out, and attempted to either disembowel or unclothe him. 

He lost his shirt in the process - whether it was sliced off or one of the Sues actually got a hold of it, Hiei thought that he might never know. However, though they were spawned by a author who knew of a world filled with fighting, none of the Mary Sues seemed to realize just how effective this fast youkai was in a fight against so many. Therefore, in about ten seconds it was all over, and a bare-chested Hiei was staring the last standing Sue down. 

With a quick lunge, he attempted to stab at her chest, but she side-stepped it easily, eyes lighting up in amusement as he kept trying. 

This one laughed, "Sorry, my little platypus, but I'm not like the others." 

Hiei could only scowl at her when she ran away and try to chase her again. Running up a spiralling stairs to follow her, he heard her annoying cackle through the halls, and reverberating through his skull. 

This princess of the Lost Tribe of the Dark, Naughty, Powerful, Super-Neat, Dark Dragon Princesses (How'd you remember that whole line?) was a hazard to his health, and he greatly disliked her. Wanted to eat her silver eyeballs, actually. After he boiled her whole body, he'd pluck them right out. 

_I bet they'd taste sweet,_ he imagined, and licked his chops. _They'll all pay for ... for ..._

He stopped, feeling like his feet were glued to the steps. _They did something ... but what? Why can't I remember? I'll ... I'll just have to kill them all ... Yeah ..._

Taking an agitated step up the stairs and then another, Hiei went up the floors, searching for the Mary Sue that taunted him. Only finding more goon-like Mary Sues to harrass him. He didn't lose anymore clothes, but he was fast losing patience. 

Something wasn't right with this place - the walls appeared to cave in, and then they would bend out. It was like a living, breathing lung, and he was there within the great lung of the tower. From time to time, Hiei would look behind himself, and it wouldn't look like the same hallway, or the same room. 

Also, if he turned back, he'd find himself a few floors back down the tower. 

Many more times, he'd be walking _down_ a flight of stairs, and he wouldn't be able to conjure up any memories or reasonings for _why_ he was attempting to leave the tower. 

The tower was like some kind of dreamworld - a nightmareworld. 

_When am I going to wake up?_ After one such incident of walking down the stairs, Hiei trudged back up, gripping the banister tightly in his left hand. When he reached the top of the spiralling staircase, Hiei looked around, and instantly felt dizzy. 

He had somehow already reached the top of the tower, and it took him a moment to realize that he was covered in rich, crimson blood. Blood that he didn't remember spilling from the multitude of Mary Sues that he had fought to reach the tip-top of the tower. His pants were torn, and the bandages around his right arm were about ready to fall off. 

Without a roof above him, the wind blew fiercely, causing him to brace himself on the stone floor as it hit his whole body. 

The very last Sue smiled at him, standing near the edge of the tower, "I knew it! You're definitely worthy of being my mate! Join with me, my sweet Jaganshi! Together, we'll destroy my enemies once and for all!" 

"No! No, no, no," he cradled his head in his hands, "... it's all wrong ... you ... you're just a stupid Mary Sue!" 

She snapped, stomping her little foot, "I'm not just _any_ Mary Sue! I'm the embodiment of every one of them! And you know what? Mary Sues _always_ get their man!" 

"I don't belong to you or anyone else! I won't give in to anyone! No one could ever hope to own me! No one!" 

In his fit of rage, fire erupted around them. Licked at her skin ... 

She laughed, "Own you? Oh, that sounds like fun. Kind of kinky. What do you say? Let's give it a try. Here. Now. After your bloody battles with those terrible Mary Sues, you must be all riled up." 

He blinked a few times in confusion - indeed, feeling steamed, and needing some sort of outlet. However, the idea sickened him, made him want to step back. 

Of course, stepping back meant that he'd go right back down the stairs, so he didn't, but he wanted to. Very badly. 

He said, "That's gross. You want to fuck a platypus?" 

Her jaw dropped open before she screamed in frustration, "What's wrong with you?" 

"What's wrong with _you_? You're the one that wants to fuck a wild, poisonous mammal that lays eggs." 

"Stop saying that you're a platypus!" 

"I'll say whatever the fuck I want. If I'm a platypus, then I'm a damned platypus! Nothing that you say can make me stop saying it either!" 

Raising her fist, she yelled, "Then my fist will make you stop!" She leapt up into the air, and her fist smashed into his left cheek. As his head spun, she laughed victoriously, "Hey, I thought you were tough. Is my little Jaganshi tired?" 

"Yeah ... tired of you," he tore off the remainder of his bandages, letting the black tattoo etched on his arm glitter in the bleak sun of the Makai sky. Aiming his arm at the girl, he dangled his energy out for bait, and the dragon followed it out of his arm, "Ja Ou En Satsu Koku Ryuu Ha!" 

Amazingly enough, the dragon was dodged by the Mary Sue when she jumped up into the air. Not to be outdone, he directed the dragon to swerve up, but she almost laughably swatted it away. 

_This is ridiculous! Mary Sues are able to withstand almost everything, but **this** Sue can handle even my dragon! Only Mukuro and Bui were able to do such a thing! How can I kill her? ..._ He glanced up at her still falling form ... 

A disatisfied dragon turned on the Jaganshi. 

Hiei - exhausted and glad that the tower was not so tall - jumped over the side of the tower. He plummeted to the ground, hugging closely to the side of the tower to slow his fall as much as possible. His enormous dragon tore apart the tower as it followed him and his energy down. 

Though the skin of his hands was near to being scraped off, Hiei grinned as he watched the ultimate Mary Sue drop down to the ground with no tower to fall on, and no friction to slow her fall. 

He hit the ground first, but before the dragon attacked him, he had the indulgence of watching the Mary Sue's head splatter over the ground near by. 

(-)(-)(-)

_From FanFiction: _

Jasmemini: - Not quite, love, not quite. Thank you for the review! 

Kohaku Hoshi: I also do stand-up comedy in another life. 

RoninsOath: Yes, very convenient. - Nothing, absolutely nothing. Hiei's magical. What, Hiei's not the same anymore? Seems like he acts about the same way to me. -twitches- And of course, I'll continue. 

HieiFan666: Oh, really? Where does **Mukuro** hit on him? 

**A guy from Quebec and a guy from Ontario are fighting over a lantern when a genie pops out, and grants them each one wish. **

The Quebecer says, "I want a wall around Quebec to protect my culture. Make it about 150 feet high, so nothing can get in or out." 

"It is done," says the genie, turning to the other guy. "And your wish?" 

The guy from Ontario smiles, and says, "Fill it with water." 

Just thought that we needed a bit more humor since it got so weirdly angsty. XP 

Hiei, lost and confused, tries to find out what he's forgotten about. 

(-)(-)(-)


	6. Doors

(-)(-)(-) 

Hiei's (Attempt at) Revenge 

(-)(-)(-) 

Pissed off to learn of how the one he loves is being treated, Hiei goes on a mission to finally tell how he feels! But can Hiei tell the one he loves in time before he's swamped by rampant Mary Sues, horny authoresses, comrades that are out-of-character, and even more Mary Sues? Warning: General Stupidity of Sues, OOCs, authors, and this author. 

(-)(-)(-) 

Doors 

(-)(-)(-) 

Hiei grunted, sat up, and then looked around before he flopped back down again. His head hurt, his hands hurt, his legs hurt, his toes hurt ... 

Hiei hurt. 

_No more jumping off of towers for me for a long time ..._ He wriggling his hurt toes and fingers, and deduced that nothing was broken. Just sore. Everything just plain hurt. 

His guts even seemed to sing out in pain. 

But there was something a bit odd to his pain, and Hiei looked over at his left arm. Right where it had been severed by Shigure in their fight ... it hurt right there - and where Shigure had sliced open his stomach, it hurt. He thought on that for as long as he could. Was there something special about that? Was Shigure talking to him in some way? If so, wouldn't his Jagan be hurting too ...? 

Yet, it didn't hurt, and for a while, he laid there longer. 

He exhaled hard, and sat up again, slower than the last time. Maybe there was something about that fight that reminded him of the fight with the Mary Sue. For the life of him, he couldn't remember what that might have been though. Hiei got up to his feet. (Finally.) 

Looking up, he said, "Just shut the hell up. I'm sick of you." 

(Just saying. You've been laying there for a long time.) 

"No fucking duh! I've just been in a fight that left even my asscrack hurting!" 

(That was a lovely visual.) 

He muttered angrily to himself, and stalked away. He didn't like talking to the author-person anyway. Whoever it was didn't make a whole lot sense. 

(... Uh, wrong way, dude.) 

Hiei stopped, and looked around at the sky, "What do you mean? The damned tower is gone, and now I've got nothing to do now. Might as well go recuperate." 

(Uh, sorry, I know that you must be tired and all, but you got to finish your mission or ... well, this wouldn't be much of a story, I guess.) 

"Mission," he said slowly, and then spat. "What mission?" 

(Remember PERSON THAT YOU LOVE?) 

"... Should I? Love isn't meant for people like me," he started to walk away. 

(Or people like THAT PERSON?) 

The Jaganshi stopped again, and shouted at the sky, "Why does it matter anyway? I'm sick of this! I haven't heard THAT PERSON's name in so long, I think I've forgotten it! Your stupid, fucking bleeps-!" He ceased his next words, and collapsed down to the ground, sitting on it, and cradling his bleeding head, "Doesn't make any sense ... None of it. I tore down the stupid tower. Everything should be fine now." 

(Actually ...) 

His eyes widened, "What? ... What? Tell me what's going on!" 

(That was just a tower full of Mary Sues, Hiei, and ... well, it was a tower, and the Sues were Sues. They signify nothing. The fan fics are still around, and there are still authoresses around making even more Mary Sues, and soon the tower will come back, and the other towers dotting the globe will fill up till bursting.) 

"'Other ... towers?'" 

(Fuck, I'm sorry, Hiei. Should've never started writing. Then you wouldn't be in such a big mess.) 

"So stop writing!" 

(I _could_ do that, but then your world would be left like this.) 

"... What about Yukina?" 

(She'll be sweeping steps.) 

"And Yuusuke and Kurama ...? Oh, shit! I never even ran into Kuwabara!" 

(Yuusuke's acting more like Kuwabara as we speak, and getting in a shitload of trouble with Keiko since he's hitting on everything with two legs. Kurama's holding a search party for you - he thinks you're hiding under his bed for some reason. Kuwabara ... is now an invalid. Those stories hit him pretty hard. He can barely even _drool_.) 

Hiei stared down at his hands, "Is ... Genkai still okay?" 

(She's fine. Playing a new DBZ game on her Game Boy Advance actually, but you know that she has to leave that house sometime to get groceries or something.) 

"Kurama's mother?" 

(Stalking the halls with an axe. Kind of reminds me of Ranma's mom really ...) 

"Who?" 

(... Forget I said that! So ... uh, yeah, you got to do your mission now, Hiei.) 

"I don't remember my damned mission anymore!" 

(... What about PERSON THAT YOU LOVE?) 

Hiei shook his head hard, "I don't even think that I got the name right in my head anymore. I'm not even allowed to _think_ it! How the hell am I supposed to go around with those fucking bleeps in my head and remember a simple name?" 

(... Shit. Just a moment. I'll be right there.) 

Blinking in confusion, Hiei said, "Hey ... what? What does that mean?" When he got no answer, he burst to his feet, and scowled up at the sky, "What are you doing?" 

Then the ground shook, and he looked down in shock. 

"Dude," said a voice from under the random trap door, "you _look_ small, but you're heavy. Get off." 

Perturbed, Hiei backed off of the trap door which then opened, and out stepped a young woman with big blue eyes and unruly blonde hair worn in a messy ponytail. She was wearing a rust-colored tank top that said 'Cogito, ergo sum, bitch!' in a silver script. 

He looked at the description, and raised an eyebrow, "Is that true?" 

"About half of it. Messed with a random generator I found. I didn't feel right describing myself ... Anyway! So you forgot THAT PERSON's name?" 

"I ... think so," he said uneasily - not too trusting of an author near him. "It's like I remember, but it's really a word that I see out of the corner of my eye ..." 

"Well, shit," she leaned against the still open door. "Uh ..." 

"Nice to know that you're on top of things," he snorted. 

"Ah, hush, puppy, I'm trying to help," she let the door fall to slam shut. Her hands went to her hips, and she paced around the trap door, looking down at it as if it might disappear. "Do you remember THAT PERSON's face?" 

Hiei thought for a moment, taking a few steps back from the author just to make sure, "... I think so. Those cheap bleeps messed me up when I tried to describe THAT PERSON to the jeweler." 

"... Hey, at least you still love THAT PERSON. Those bleeps wouldn't be there otherwise." 

"Maybe ..." 

"Uh, I'm the author. There aren't any 'maybe's with me." 

He gave her an exasperated look, "Why do you make it sound so simple?" 

"Because it _is_ as simple at that" 

"Love isn't supposed to be that simple!" 

She pulled out her pocket dictionary, "'A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.' There is no kinship with you and THAT PERSON, and ... attractive qualities _maybe_, but I'm not so sure on that one. As for that whole sense of underlying oneness, I think that most definitely exists ... So maybe it's not so simple, but it's true. You love THAT PERSON." 

"I ... love her ..." His eyes widened, "You-! But ...! What about the bleeps? Why did you take them away?" 

"You already knew that, Hiei. Why tell me something that we both already know?" The author opened the trap door up, and went back inside, saying, "Oh, and Hiei?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I didn't create those bleeps." 

"Huh?" He grabbed the door to make it stop from closing, and making her raise an eyebrow at him, "If you didn't make them, who did?" 

"I didn't create them. Ignorance did. Those authors that created those stories had such a hatred for your lover, they did the only thing that they could do to affect you. Your Jagan really is a remarkable tool ..." 

"So they created those bleeps to cover over my thoughts and voice?" 

"They used the majority of their powers to make those bleeps, but now you're free of them. Now let the door go. I have a lovely DBZ lemon that involves gender bendering that I must write after I finish this up." 

"..." He shuddered, and let the door go, backing away. 

The trap door clicked shut, and then there was silence for a long time. 

Hiei opened his mouth to try saying his love's name, "..." 

(-)(-)(-)

_From FanFiction: _

Kohaku Hoshi: Toes. 

RoninsOath: Hiei will eat whoever he wants to eat. XP Actually the twitch was for ... something else. Thanks for another review! 

HieiFan666: Darling, next time you want to judge someone, get some good solid evidence for yourself other than going on what others tell you. You haven't seen the last saga? Then go see it, or buy it since Funi's an ass. Hiei went willingly into Mukuro's arms. He lost the fight, and a tired boyo searched for her arms - and if he passed out, it was after falling into her arms. I don't think anyone was hitting on anyone in YYH other than Yuusuke on Keiko. 

Jasmemini: - Mwah. Thank you! 

Crimson Dreamer: Nah, I like the rants. I just hope someone got something out of my own rant. 

Kylarkallana: O.o; What a name you got going there, hun ... Anyway, thanks for the review! 

The end is in sight! Hiei goes to find PERSON THAT HE LOVES! Are the bleeps still in effect or was that just a one time thing for our poor hero? 

(-)(-)(-)


	7. Arms

(-)(-)(-) 

Hiei's (Attempt at) Revenge 

(-)(-)(-) 

Pissed off to learn of how the one he loves is being treated, Hiei goes on a mission to finally tell how he feels! But can Hiei tell the one he loves in time before he's swamped by rampant Mary Sues, horny authoresses, comrades that are out-of-character, and even more Mary Sues? Warning: General Stupidity of Sues, OOCs, authors, and this author. 

(-)(-)(-) 

Arms 

(-)(-)(-) 

Glancing around the almost deserted fortress, Hiei realized that he could only sense three forms on the premises other than his own. All three very strong, and ansty. Especially the one up on one of the higher floors. Pursing his lips, he looked up, and around, keeping his eyes open for those two others. The third youki didn't seem to be moving much at all - it felt like it was pacing a room. 

He took a few hesitant steps toward the front doors - he could feel the other two fast approaching to meet him there. Hiei stopped momentarily, but _they_ kept coming. When he reached the doors, he shoved them both open at the same time. 

Shigure and Kirin were the ones waiting behind the door. Kirin spoke first, and Hiei saw a glint in his eyes - for the rest of his face was covered by that infernal mask, "What are you doing here, Hiei?" 

"I _live_ here," he said confidently, watching Kirin and Shigure spread out slowly to surround him - their actions were predatory-like, and he saw red for a second in his sudden anger. 

They were behaving as if this were their turf, and that the body he knew to be upstairs belonged to them. He liked Kirin well enough, and Shigure wasn't _that_ bad, but they were in his way. If they wanted a fight, they'd get it. 

"You won't be living soon," Shigure claimed, and then flashed his blade at Hiei. 

Scowling, the Jaganshi charged at him with his uncanny speed, stepping up onto his circle-shaped blade, and then unsheathed his katana to slice a red line up his cheek. He landed on the other side of the youkai who snarled, and applied pressure to his face to stop the bleeding. Hiei spun to meet with Kirin's sudden attack, and slid his katana deeply into the other youkai's shoulder. He only grimaced before punching him in the face, causing him to fall back upon losing grip of his katana's hilt. 

"What's wrong with you two?" Hiei finally shouted, but they kept advancing on him. Kirin had pulled out the katana, and tossed it behind himself where Hiei would be unable to reach. 

Kirin said, "Do you really think that you deserve her? What makes you think that a little runt like you could be of any use?" 

"I'm not here to prove anything, I'm not here to whine, bitch, and moan about what I do and don't deserve. I love her, and if you don't get out of my way to tell her, I'll massacre you!" 

Shigure and Kirin burst out laughing, and suddenly Hiei felt a little light-headed when Shigure spoke, "Oh, okay. Go right on up." 

At Hiei's blank and confused look, Kirin explained, "Those authors don't know enough about us to be able to change our actions much ... Nice to know that you've stopped being a coward about it." 

"He's going to need to have more than courage to face that thing now though," Shigure said to him. 

"Wait, why? What's going on? Where is everybody, and why are you two still here?" 

"You should go see for yourself," Shigure said. "I think that you'll understand once you see her. Prepare yourself for the worst." 

_The worst is me being an invalid for a week or so. If she's upset though ... no one's ever left when she was in a bad mood before though. What's going on?_ Hiei took a glance back at them before collecting his katana to sheathe it, and ascended to the upper floors. 

(-)(-)(-)

The worst wasn't what he had been expecting. This time, he feared death. 

The very second that she had laid her eyes on him, she had raised her hand, and blasted youki at him. His left shoulder was currently a mess, and his left arm was a _bloody_ mess - both useless. 

He had never actually thought that he should fear for his life when he was around her, but ... this wasn't her! This was some startlingly similar appearing clone. Helplessly, he watched as the woman charged at him, and he barely dodged to the side. 

Her lip curled back almost viciously, and smashed him down into the floor before crushing her foot down on his chest to pin him there. 

"Ah!" 

Hiei thought bitterly, _They made a monster, and now they've got her. She's been angry before. She's gotten mad at me before, but **never** has she outright attacked me for this long! You were getting better at controlling yourself, and now look at what they've done to you! Sweet darling. My love ... I stay with you, live with you in the hopes that - I selfishly hope that you will heal because of me. Because of the time spent with me._

"Where were you?" 

_They turned us all around, turned us upside down, and mutilated your insides now. Before, you were so beautiful to me - that secret smile prepared for me when I walked into the door. That beautiful smile when I gave you a simple gift - a 'Happy Birthday.' I love you, but you're not you anymore._

"Out ..." he exhaled painfully. 

"Loitering around, I bet. _Pissing_ me off for leaving me!" 

"I ... was looking for ... you ..." 

"Feh! Likely excuse." 

_Monsters ... they are things that inspire fear, and abject disgust. I certainly fear you right now, but there is no disgust in my heart - only pity for the real monsters that have treated you this way. Your father ... these damned stories ... So are you a monster? Can monsters really be created? Everyone is capable of change, and you have been changing ... All for me, you have been changing; letting me into your heart bit-by-wonderful-extraordinary-bit._

In spite of himself, Hiei smiled up at her, "Need to ... tell you ... something ..." 

"The hell is it?" 

"I love you." 

She lifted the foot from his chest to kick him in the face. Hiei rolled, and hit the wall hard, cracking it so that pieces of plaster and dust fell onto him. The one he loved said, "You're lying. Stop joking around." 

_My beautiful, beautiful monster ... If you are a monster, then you are **my** monster. No one can have a say in how I truly feel._

His tongue played with a loose tooth in his jaw before he sat up, and leaned against the wall heavily, "If you're saying that ... must mean you're upset ... that I might be lying ... I'm not though ... I love you so much." 

Something flickered behind her eyes before she shook it away, "Stop it! You're lying!" 

_You ... you know! You're fighting it like Yukina is! You're fighting too!_ Taking a deep breath to fill in pained lungs, he said, "I'm not lying!" 

"You _are_!" She swung at his face, but Hiei didn't let it connect with his cheek, grabbing her wrist, and using the momentum to yank her into his embrace. He was almost about to wrap his other arm around her, however, he was still unable to move it. Thus it laid there beside him, half-dead, as he attempted to quell her struggling body. "Stop it! Let me go!" 

"Can't let go. Got you in my heart," he said strongly. "You're in me so deeply that if you were to leave me, you'd take a chunk of my heart and soul with you. I'd simply die without you." Shortly, she began to slowly cease fighting his arm, "Do you hear that? Understand me? I love you. I love you truly, really, I love you so much. Love you forever, and always, and after that." He coughed hard, tasting blood in his mouth, "Love you, Mukuro." 

Her fiery blonde hair began to blur, and when she turned her head, all he could see of her face was a big blue eye staring straight at him, and he was unsure as to whether there was still hate in it. 

And he blacked out. 

(-)(-)(-)

The Koorime woke up without any probing, turned his head, and then smiled softly. 

He was back in his chambers with the lights turned low for him to sleep, and beside him was his sleeping monster. 

Shifting his left arm - and finding it to be healed, and well - Hiei rolled to his side, and pulled Mukuro closer. He relished in her soft, warm body against his own, sighing, and breathing into her hair. His right hand fingered a few strands of the orange lochs, and noted silently that it was getting long. 

"Mukuro," he murmured lowly - under his breath. "Damn, I've missed saying that ... Mukuro ..." 

"Mmn?" The warlord stirred, and her vibrant blue eyes opened. She gasped, and sat up, "Hiei!" 

Lip corners curled up lazily in a smirk, "Good morning, sunshine." 

"S - Stupid," she stuttered, and rolled out of his bed. Sitting on the edge of his bed, she didn't look at him - she only hunched her shoulders defensively, "Don't act as if something happened during the night." 

"Why not? Something _did_ happen yesterday." 

Irritable, Mukuro snapped at him, "And what would that be?" 

"Actually," he stretched, "mm ... Actually, it didn't really just happen yesterday. I did it the day before, and the day before that, and so on for a very long time now." 

"Yeah, and?" Her voice was quieter at that point - hushed. She seemed to have her head tilted in the slightest way, and she did it in such a way that it was so she could listen to Hiei without having to look at him. 

The words were easy to summon, "I love you." 

Shoulders and voice quaking, she whispered, "Damn it, Hiei ... damn it ..." Her head dropped into her hands. 

"... Mukuro, I love you," that time, he was unsure. Hiei had not been expecting such a reaction. 

"Fine," her voice cracked, and she began to pull off her shirt. 

Hiei's eyes widened, and he grabbed her arms to stop her, "What are you doing?" 

"I thought this is what you wanted." 

"No, I mean, yes, but ...no, not now ..." he laid his head on her shoulder from behind her. "We don't have to do anything right now ..." 

Turning around, she found his chest to nuzzle, and he tenderly enfolded her frame into his arms. After a while, they laid down so that their bodies were leaning against each other. 

While they slumbered, that which kept them from falling apart were their arms. 

(-)(-)(-) 

Owari 

(-)(-)(-) 

_From FanFiction: _

Kohaku Hoshi: Tekken can solve **all** of your problems. 

RoninsOath: You should've read more of my fics before coming to this one! ... I kid. Thanks for the review! 

Nee: Always. Thanks for the review. 

Jasmemini: -eats pie, and nabs Vegeta- He's **my** kind of bishounen, okay? Thanks for the bishounen and pie! ... Oh, and the review. XP 

**From MediaMiner: **

Okaasan-7: ... -pales- Uh ... that really was a typo of mine. XP That's always the kind of typo that I miss. -goes back to fix it- o.o;;; Did you catch any others that I missed? Anyway, thanks for the review! 

InTheShadows: O.o; And it's taken you this long to review? ... - Thank you! 

Yup, that's it ... and I hope someone's learned their lesson and whatnot. XP 

(-)(-)(-)


End file.
